So this morning is the best morning out of the last three. Not stellar by any means, but okay. The kids were fifteen minutes late for school. I’m starting to worry the school will call DCFS soon. I need to get on top of this soon. Or now. I woke at 06:30 without an alarm. I forgot to set it. I woke again at 07:30. Shit. School starts at 07:45. I pushed the kids I as hard as I could, but #1 proved impossible to get going. Her meds take a while to kick in, and her sarcastic ‘I don’t give a shit‘ look was plastered on her face. When we walked out the door, we saw a couple of ducks right in front of our house! We’d never seen that before. That was quite a treat, and pretty cool.

The previous two mornings I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have given a crap about the ducks. And although I didn’t really care that much today, I did enough to take a video, and act happy (ish) in front of the kids. Baby steps people, baby steps. So although we were already ten minutes late, the ducks added on another five. I was sure to remind the kids to tell the clerk in school about the ducks adding to our latest. Okay. I lie. I told them to tell her that’s why we were late. Hey. I’m backed into a corner here. So we were about to back out of the driveway when the children shout in unison “Mom, the ducks are behind the car.” It wasn’t even on my radar. I suppose it would have been minus depression. We have a backup camera anyway, so I presume I would have seen them and not have actively decided to kill them. I’m not actively homicidal – yet! Even to ducks. So #2 had to get out of the car to shout them out of the way. Which in turn made #1 and #3 want to join in. Let’s just say we added several more minutes to our already late tally.

I finally dropped the kids off and headed to… you guessed it SBs. Where else would I go? And no. I haven’t showered yet. I’m one of those gross moms. What? I didn’t have time this morning. I will later. Piss off! I am feeling a bit dragged down, and completely exhausted. I think it has to be the new meds, but my psych says it’s not at high enough a dose to cause that. I guess that means it’s probably the depression. Does it matter in the end? Anyway. We’ll hope for a better day. Filled with ducks and sunshine. Not trucks to be rammed into, and thoughts of knives and pills. I don’t think I’ll need to call my quack today.

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