What a waste.Thirty years.Thinking. Dreading. Fearing.Why?What was the point?What is the point? Once again.Starbucks.Looking out at a university.I was there, somewhere else, but there…Half my lifetime ago. Crazy.The best of times. The worst of times.Confined, self-restrained, jailed freedom.On the cusp of life, while free-falling into an abyss.An infinite abyss.Just continual falling into a darkening, lightening … Continue reading What a Life
I feel like I am floating away. Higher and higher. Unable to make sense of what's below. Knowing however, that it is not safe. Maybe I'm being pushed into the ground. Not being hammered down bit by bit. Descending slowly. Steadily. Head never going fully under. Somehow my shoulders and head bobbing on the ground. … Continue reading I Can Do It
Yep. It's for surezies this time. No doubting it. I'm depressed. I'm not bi-polar, but I was riding high Thursday evening. Laughing, joking around, being my often-obnoxious self. I kind of felt a crash coming. I was too high. Too wired. This state could certainly not last. A few hours later, before bed on that … Continue reading Yep, Yep, Yep. Here we are again…
Smoke, smog, and dirt cloy at my trachea. My esophagus bulges and collapses. I try to swallow down the bulge. Nothing happens.. I can still breathe. It is difficult yet quantifiable. I can feel the pain, yet it is not pain. I am filled up with this. I fear both things may remain forever. My … Continue reading Hyperaware of Nothing
Deep in my brain I feel my pulse. Yet it beats at a different speed than my heart. Not my pulse I suppose - my brain's pulse. It seems to work independent of the rest of me. Maybe all my body parts work seperately. They are interconnected in some way. Does the pulsating brain control … Continue reading Brain, Brain Go Away…
The cowardly black shroud has lifted. I know not fully. Not for good. It has pulled itself off my head, shoulders, core, arms and legs. I has dropped to the floor. It could easily trip me up. I can likely get back up however. I am not cloaked and choked. Something funny happened this morning. … Continue reading Ah sure Jaysus. I haven’t seen you in ages!
Down, down, down again. A vertical merry go round. Seemingly going ever so slowly at its nadir. Crawling back to its zenith. Plunging down to the nadir again. Why is it so favored? That low point? Why can it not stay up high for a little longer. A little break from down there. Up here … Continue reading Up and Down