Down, down, down again. A vertical merry go round. Seemingly going ever so slowly at its nadir. Crawling back to its zenith. Plunging down to the nadir again. Why is it so favored? That low point? Why can it not stay up high for a little longer. A little break from down there. Up here … Continue reading Up and Down
Scrap Scrape
I want to break free. I want it to be past. Not present. Not future. I did it again. In the present. The present four hours ago. It didn't hurt enough. Will I want to do it again? It did not fulfill whatever I wanted it to. What did I want it to do? I … Continue reading Scrap Scrape
Poor Me
Look at me. I am the face of poverty. It's laughable really. How dare I call myself poor. I own my own house. My husband and I made my last payment on my minivan this month. I have excellent healthcare for my many ailments. My kids have beds, with clean sheets (mostly), I their own … Continue reading Poor Me
Another Day…
Amazing Ted Talk on Depression Another day. Another fucked up day. It's 14:55. I'm sitting in... wait for it... Starbucks. I just dropped off some medication at the kids' school and ran. School ends at 14:45 and I needed to leave before then. God forbid the kids saw me and wanted to leave with me. … Continue reading Another Day…
On Ending…
How will it end? This journey I'm on. So many variables. So many influences. So many people in my life. Close and distant. What is this journey? Why is it? Where is it going? What's the what? How's the how? Such a mystery. Does the journey mean life? Does it mean what's going on now? … Continue reading On Ending…
Going, Going, Gone
It won't come out of me. It's stuck inside. Maybe it's not even inside. How would I know? If it is gone what then? It's all I have. What else can I do? What if that's it? I already have nothing. Nothing. Now I have less than nothing. Less. Than. Nothing. Will it come back? … Continue reading Going, Going, Gone
Ugly, Fat, Deformed
I am such an ugly fuck up. Embarrassed to look in the mirror. Previously broken nose, A drunken escapade. Ugly face unable to smile. Crooked stained teeth. Thin lips. Awful coarse short hair. The ravages of forty years of life. Contrasted with the acne of a teen. What the fuck is that about? Fat bitch. … Continue reading Ugly, Fat, Deformed
