Chaos is swirling all around me. For once I am the calm. So unusual for me To be the refuge not the one in peril. I study all around me. I feel relieved at first. Then guilty that I am safe. It is an unknown state for me. I breath a sigh of relief again. … Continue reading Tranquility
I told her to go away. She never listens. Why? Bitch. I'm arguing with her. When I have the energy. Often I don't. I don't even care. Sneaky tramp. She is selfish. She is mean. She is sly. She's a back-stabbing bitch. One minute you think she loves you. The next... bam.. Asshole. Sometimes a … Continue reading Beautiful Bitch
I've been rejected, dejected, I hate this feeling. I care more this time. I don't know why. I should be used to it by now. I am not. Usually I care a little, but I am strong. I know my physical and mental flaws. They are me, and I am them. Does this hurt because … Continue reading Social Reject
The boat bobs just as I do Without a set course Not quite lost at sea Not tethered enough It is near to dry land Yet so far Misunderstood by others As I am too We can both see safety The boat and I We edge forward and bob back Not ready to leave at … Continue reading My Boat
An hour ago I watched as a needle went into my vein, sliding in effortlessly, a slight sting when it broke the skin. It went nearly unnoticed. During many years of medical treatment I have had hundred of blood draws but also injections, shots. I am unsure if Americans use the word injection and that … Continue reading In and Out Goes the Needle
It's back. It has crept up on me. I recognize it. I know the difference. The difference between a tough day. A sad day. A frustrating day. The things 'normal' people have and feel. And depression. There's a big difference. I don't even know if I can describe it, yet it exists. I know because … Continue reading Guess Who’s Back! Shady’s Back!
Seated inside pumping passion, anxiety, hope, lust, a need for communication, my brain fires at speeds I can't imagine. It is doing it's job. Or pretending to. Is it in my interest to have these synapses firing as they do? Is my pre-frontal cortex built to handle such feelings and thoughts? Am I in control, … Continue reading Brain, Brain Everywhere But Not a Drop to Drink