Here we are again. It never ends. No. I never end. I am in self-destruct mode again. I'm in a destroy everything and everyone around me mode. I am hurting myself, killing myself. More importantly I am hurting the most important people in the world to me - my children. I can see it from … Continue reading Fucking up again, and again, and again…
What a fucking day! I've called this part one. I'm sure I will have many more parts, assuming I haven't topped myself first that is. I sure have had part zero and several negative parts before today. What started off as a normal shitty day just got worse and worse. Mood wise anyway. I woke … Continue reading What a Fuckin’ Day? (Part I)
I sit here, in Starbucks, again. My head in my hands, again. Trying not to cry. Trying to remember to breathe. Does it really matter. If I cry? If I forget to breathe? I don't think it does. Right now it would be a relief. Maybe not to my fellow customers and staff, but to … Continue reading FUCKING KNEES
I feel so heavy today. So fucking heavy. Not just my weight - all one hundred seventy six pounds of it. My whole body. I walk down the street. My feet plod. One, two, one two. My knees are in pain - from the 176, and the arthritis. My body wants me to stop. It … Continue reading Heavy
Isn't it ironic? Don't you think? - Alanis Morrisette As children our imaginations know no bounds. We know we are going to be... a famous singer, actor, writer, artist, astronaut, The President, maybe doctor or a teacher. No child thinks... I'd love to be an accountant, middle-management, someone who sits in a chair for forty … Continue reading Isn’t it Ironic?
Beauty is truly, what's between your two ears, It takes most forever, to see what is dear. The skinny, the fat, and all in between, Are precious vessels, to many unseen. I hate my own body, I feel like freak. Has society said, it's bad being unique? I look at my daughters, and worry that … Continue reading Beauty
Here I am in hospital, just for a blood test. Last time I was here, was four days ago, being released. I am glad to be free from an inpatient stay. I know this hospital, like I know my own soul. Since first coming in, twelve years ago, full of trepidation for my baby and … Continue reading The Hospital