What a waste.Thirty years.Thinking. Dreading. Fearing.Why?What was the point?What is the point? Once again.Starbucks.Looking out at a university.I was there, somewhere else, but there…Half my lifetime ago. Crazy.The best of times. The worst of times.Confined, self-restrained, jailed freedom.On the cusp of life, while free-falling into an abyss.An infinite abyss.Just continual falling into a darkening, lightening … Continue reading What a Life
She came to meThe youthful agony, turning fast => warmth => gone againWith sibling again. Playing. Laughing. Joking.Joyful, cheerful voices.Background spring noise.Mom observing all.The "all worth it" moments.Some days there are none.Today has been great.Despite other parts of the world disintegrating into dust.Health. Finances. Futures.This moment is everything. For now."Hello" "Hey kids" "Dinner time" "I … Continue reading Too Fast My Love. Too Fast
I feel like I am floating away. Higher and higher. Unable to make sense of what's below. Knowing however, that it is not safe. Maybe I'm being pushed into the ground. Not being hammered down bit by bit. Descending slowly. Steadily. Head never going fully under. Somehow my shoulders and head bobbing on the ground. … Continue reading I Can Do It
I look at pictures of my grandparents. They were all alive when I was born. They died when I was five, sense, ten, and sixteen. My grandfathers proceeded my grandmothers. I have a few hazy memories of the men. A little more of my material grandmother. I truly remember my paternal grandmother. I don't miss … Continue reading Ashes to Ashes..
I remember. Do you? I don't remember every little detail. How about you? Did it really happen? It seems like it was so long ago. It seems like it happened yesterday. Was it real? Did that really happen? Do I have a right to these feelings when no one I know was hurt? Died. Scarred. … Continue reading In Memorium 2,996
Dear Home, I'm sorry I left you, and with you my parents, siblings, nieces, and nephews. My friends. My safety. My me. You were there for me for twenty five years, and I jumped on a plane without thinking for a moment what losing you might mean. I had always been so proud to be … Continue reading Missing You
I'm nervous and excited. I want to get this job. I am so scared to work again. It's been two years. I remember when I was twenty nine, I went back to work after eighteen months. Eighteen months earlier I had been working six days per week, Often with a couple of doubles thrown in … Continue reading It’s Off To Work I Go…