Down, down, down again. A vertical merry go round. Seemingly going ever so slowly at its nadir. Crawling back to its zenith. Plunging down to the nadir again. Why is it so favored? That low point? Why can it not stay up high for a little longer. A little break from down there. Up here is so much better. The air smells fresh and clean. I can feel the sun on my face. The gentle breeze. The perfect temperature. Down there is dark. Damp. Moldy. Slightly scary. No one likes it down here. Except those who get off the merry go round. By choice or by direction. Those off it lie in the filth. Accept their fate. Don’t look upward towards the light. The relief. They know that with relief, in time comes the dark. It is easier to stay down here. To accept one’s fate.

I’m not sure what to do. Is oscillating better than being stagnant below? It’s hard to remember one state when you are in the other. Grass being greener as such. Right now I am in flux. Moving freely. It makes me want to jump off and fall all the way down. A journey that would feel eternal, but happen in the blink in the eye. Maybe not even jumping, but falling off unprepared. Does it matter? The result is the same. I don’t even enjoy the fresh air. I know it won’t last, so why bother.The perceived right thing to do is enjoy the good, and accept the bad. Who perceived this wisdom? It seems ridiculous. Probably not someone who has been on the merry go round.

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