I want to break free.
I want it to be past.
Not present.
Not future.

I did it again.
In the present.
The present four hours ago.
It didn’t hurt enough.

Will I want to do it again?
It did not fulfill whatever I wanted it to.
What did I want it to do?
I don’t know. I don’t care.

Will I ever be satiated by life?
Will I always have to seek outside of myself?
Pienso que sí.
Espero que no.

Why am I here again?
I know life is a cycle. I see it every day.
Not so soon.
Please not so soon.

Give me time to grow my life.
To be the strength my family needs.
To be their rock.
To be their love.

Don’t tear me down.
Before I’ve even been built up.
That’s not fair.
You know it.

The ebb and flow
Feels worse than broken.
Or does it?
Some up better than all down?

The mounting stresses in life
Are not at fault.
My brain just sputters still.
With no rhyme nor reason.

And so I wait
Or I forget.
It matters not.
The result is the same.

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