I told her to go away.
She never listens.

I’m arguing with her.
When I have the energy.
Often I don’t.
I don’t even care.

Sneaky tramp.
She is selfish.
She is mean.
She is sly.

She’s a back-stabbing bitch.
One minute you think she loves you.
The next… bam..

Sometimes a whisper in my ear.
From behind my right shoulder.
Sometimes straight in my face.
Glaring me in the eye.

That’s when I’m frightened.
She’s right there.
I try to look away.
I cannot.

Once she locks me in I am stuck.
I always blink first.
She laughs.
I lose. I lose. I LOSE.

Here I fall again.
No learning.
Again and again.
Yet no choice.

Worst of all.
Best of all.
She tackles me to the ground.
We sink to the bottom of the lake.

I remember the lake.
I like the lake.
The lake feels like home.
The darkness soothes.

Day to day.
Hour to hour.
Minute to minute.
I know what route she will take.

Every time it is a surprise.
Even when it is not.
A certain indifference.
Yet in that deep sorrow.

How can she make me so many different things?
The good and the bad.
The colorful and the dull.
The surrealness and the bland.

I don’t even try to push her away.
I know I have no control.
She will leave on her terms.
Everything is on her terms.

Sometimes I long for her embrace.
Somtimes she for mine.
Sometimes we are one.
Somtimes we are apart.

Together we fly high.
No. Fly low.
Together anyway.
That’s all that’s important.

No thoughts enter my head.
She blocks them out.
I don’t notice her.
Wow. How is that?

As she floats away she looks back over her shoulder.
She whispers loudly.
“I’ll be back.”
She winks.

I turn away.
Smile an imperecetible smile.
I turn back.
Give her a small wave.

I hear her laugh as she leaves.
I am slightly unnerved.
I am slightly delighted.
I cannot wait for her return.

Now the bitch is a belle.
My love.
My sense of self.
My me.

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