I am a female. I think. I know I’m not male. Am I fully female? What does that mean? I have a vagina and breasts – two of them. I have given birth to three children and therefor assume I have all necessary reproductive organs. How linked are gender and sexuality? I am straight. Mostly. There is something called the Kinsey Scale. It is a scale from 0-6. People who are exclusively heterosexual are 0, while those who are excllusively homosexual. I presume, but have no evidence to present, that most people are a 0 or a 6. I believe, at least, that most people put themselves in those two categories. The world, or should I say the heterosexual world general does not interest itself in anything outside that. They may assume that bisexuals are a solid three. I suppose I thought this before I met someone who is now a friend. He is attracted to men and women, but he prefers women. I guess I just hadn’t asked before, which would be none of my business anyway, or would have know to ask. I am probably a 1 on The Kinsey Scale. If I saw a ‘hot’ woman naked on the street, I am pretty sure I would be attracted to her, but not ‘normal’ women. I am attracted to men based on a lot more than their looks. I also have a wide range of what I find attractive in men. Let say out of 100 men, I might find 20 attractive. Out of 100 women I might find 0 or 1 attractive. Before my female friends all clutch there low cut tops to the chests, calm down. I promise I am not attracted to you. I have never been attracted to a woman I have met. I do think my feelings push me away from a 0 on The Scale. It is unlikely I will ever be with a woman sexually. Unless all men on the planet were wiped out. Stop crossing your fingers crossed. I I am much more attracted to men than women. None of this takes into account asexuality, of course. Surely they deserve a place on the scale. Or am I misunderstanding asexuality so much that I can’t comprehend its place, or lack of, on The Scale?

Now what about gender? I wrote a piece on Mansplaining about how I didn’t feel feminine enough for others. I do not know if there is a scale for gender identity. Let’s suppose there is. One similar to the Kinsey Scale. Let’s say a 0 on the scale implies identifying completely with the gender of the genitalia you were born with. A 6 would be a person who identifies complete as the gender opposite to that which the genetalia they were born with. What’s in the middle? I have some friends who use the pronouns ‘they, them and theirs’ to be addressed. I have spoken with some of them, the closer ones, about it. For most it seems to mean either (1) they don’t identify as either male or female, or (2) they idenitfy with a mix of both. This too seems to be a continuum. Is this where trangenderism becomes difficult to understand. You don’t have to understand. Several friends have been ‘they’ and then realized they fit in a more definite ‘male’ or ‘female’ sense of self. It is a journey of discover. Some may find it too difficult to fully recongnize their actual gender because of the pressures society and family put on them to conform. Others may just be discovering who they are slowly but surely.I can’t imagine how difficult this journey is for people. I have never gone through it so I cannot know what it feels to undergo that. I may well be explaining this poorly or misrepresenting the facts as I see them. I apologize to those who it effects. I hope my friends and others explain if I have written something that is not fair or is incorrect.

If there were a gender identity scale form 0 to 6, I would not be a 0. I don’t know what I would be. I don’t feel male, but I don’t think I feel fully female. I don’t know how I would know. I’ve always just felt like me. I am no different to me. How do I know what’s ‘normal’? As I child I wanted to be a boy. Not do boys things or wear boys clothes. I did all that and no one batted an eyelid. I had really short hair. My best friends were boys. I wore boys’ clothes, not tomboy clothes, boys’ clothes. One of my earlist memories is trying to sit on the toilet seat facing the toilet and trying to hold my clitoris to pee forward. I was so disappointed when it didn’t work. Until I was in my early teens people thought I was a boy. They did not think I looked like a boy. In there mind there was no question that I was male. I was glad. I remember one occasion when myself and a friend went swimming. We both looked like boys. A woman kicked us out of the female dressing room. My friend’s mom had to come to our defense. I remember we thought it was funny. We didn’t care what she thought. We bought looked the way we want to look like. Did wanting to be a boy mean I didn’t identify as male, but a female who wanted to be male. Is there a difference? What are the rules? Does anyone know? Is it different for every person? All I can do is say how I am now. I have no interest in being male. For comfort I do dress in baggy male t-shirts. I think that might be because I’m fat though. When I was skinnier I wore more fitted shirts. They were still t-shirts not tops. I usually wear men’s gym shoes. Does my choice of clothing have any implications on my gender identity? My sexuality which as I stated is not 0 has not basis on my gender, but it feels like it does. Is that okay? Is asking other people what I feel ridiculous? If I feel my gender and sexual identities are linked, then that’s my reality. It might just because my are near the 0 end of the scales. That might be why I feel they’re linked. I like my boobs, by vagina, the fact I carried three children in my body, the fact I bore them. The fact I feel more vulnerable than most males. Does that make me ultra female?

I’m going round in circles. I guess the main point is that there is a massive range of normal. In fact there is no such thing as normal. Or abnormal. It’s nobody’s business how another human being identifies themself. How does it affect you if I’m male or female, gay or straight, and everything in between. Am I going to make your son or daughter gay by walking passed them on the street. Will your child hear about their cousin who was called Mary and now is called Michael? Will it damage them irreperably? How about saying. Michael is your cousin. He is male inside. His body is female. That is difficult. We love Michael. Would it kill you to say that? Do you want to teach your child compassion or anger. That is what will damage your child longterm. Not their cousin Michael. Hopefully someday people won’t care about any of this. Things are changing. I recently went to an A.A. Meeting. It was held in a church. The door of the two bathrooms each had a male and female sign, but also had a sign saying something like ‘We encourage people to use the bathroom that feels most comfortable to them’. If a church can get this, surely we’re on the right path. In Chicago we’re mostly lucky enough that homosexuals are safe to express themselves. We’re a progressive city. I think we’re sheltered as to the hate that is aimed at homosexuals elsewhere. I hope our acceptance will spread like wildfire to all cities and states. Sadly we are not as accepting of transgender or questioning gender people. We’re better than most places, but still have a long way to go. I hope our acceptance of those who are T or Q are welcomed openly, and that that acceptance also spreads. If anyone feels I have not handled this subject matter in a correct manner or have some information incorrect please leave comments. I will not alter this article (except for the likely many typos not corrected by my broken autocorrect). I will add to id, indicating they are post published addition.

When it comes from people’s gender, sexuality, thoughts, feelings… no wrong or right. No ones place to judge. All too complex to be placed neatly on a scale.

One thought on “Gender and Sexual Identity

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