So I will freely admit, I am the least qualified person to discuss current events, or cool shit. I hung up my news information jacket when Trump was elected, and I have not been cool since I got knocked up in 2005. I have however become privy to the knowledge that someone called DJ Khaled (whoever the fuck he is) does not perform oral sex on his wife. Apparently he expects her to suck him however. Now of course this should really be their issue and no one else’s, however, this idiot, eh hem, DJ, decided to publicize his views\ignorance\values\way of life, so I guess it’s fair game?

His poor, poor, wife. Mind you… given his mind set, he’d probably be shite at it anyway. I remember being sixteen, and telling my girlfriends I would never perform oral sex. I mean ew. A penis in your mouth. How gross is that? Ew. They assured me I would likely change my mind. I thought they were nuts. Within a year, I was proved wrong. Point is… Making love is a mature, giving, taking two-way street. If you just want to take… then fuck off! If you want to stay a teenager, then you’re not gonna get any. Seriously. What age is this dick? I don’t mean his penis. I mean him. I seriously feel bad for his wife. It’s not even that oral sex is necessarily the be all and end all for every one. It’s that it can be, could be, might be. Even if it isn’t, it’s part of the experience. Have fun. Play around. No holds barred. Especially if you love someone. You should have completely open communication. Completely open trust. Otherwise, what the hell are you doing together?

I hope I haven’t implied that it has to be exactly equal give and take. It should never be about what did you give me? What can I give you? Some kind of keeping score event. It should be about honest and open love-making. There should be no tally. No artificial me-you. Love-making should be exciting, fun, honest, open, silly, serious, raunchy, hilarious, giving, taking, everything in between. It should never be measured, but it should always roughly even-out. Roughly. Read that again… You shouldn’t even be thinking about keeping score. It should feel so natural that neither person cares. If one person is saying they will do this, or they won’t do this, then there is a problem. Maybe Khaled’s wife is deliriously happy. How knows? I’ll tell you something though. Even if I didn’t mind that my husband wasn’t going down on me… I sure as shit would mind that he told 7 billion people about it!

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